Scooter Rally

Wednesday night I had the pleasure of attending a scooter rally put on by the folks at Scooter Invasion and ScooterNerds. I was the first of my kind to show up (my kind being anyone who rides a Stella or classic Vespa, whether it be a PX or what have you). Most of the early arrivals were the big 600+cc Burgman cruiser bikes that look more like shiatsu chairs you get at Sharper Image than scooters. I initially felt very alone, thinking this was going to turn into a convention for Burgmans as more and more of the riders, mostly elderly men, came rolling into the parking lot of Steak 'N' Shake. Then came a few others, first a Ruckus and then a pink Genuine Buddy with skulls all over the seat.

I began to feel more at home as what I would consider proper scooters began to arrive. Nothing fancy, at least not yet. For the moment I remained the only Stella in attendance. Then I spied a red Stella, clearly a brand new 2008 model, rolling towards me. With the exception of perhaps a half dozen superfluous mirrors (which is mandatory, really, if you're going all-out), it was outfitted with every possible accessory. The rider pulled up alongside and parked his bike next to mine. It wasn't until the rider removed his helmet and goggles that I had a faint feeling of recognition; I'd seen this guy somewhere before but couldn't quite place it. As we spoke about our love for Stellas the coin dropped - it was the local weather guy, Eric Chilton, who I've seen many times on WFMY News 2. We examined the arriving scooters, all told about 40, all the while discussing the joys of scootering.


Eric is planning on getting together a Stella club in Greensboro, which is something I'd be happy to be a part of. There are about 6 of us in the area. While pitching the idea for a Stella club, Eric told me about a local man by the name of Sam Zealy that had been a part of a story he had done last year on the proliferation of scooters on the streets of Greensboro. In the story, Sam, who was a Stella enthusiast, summed up his scooter philosophy thusly: "A car moves the body, but a scooter moves the soul." I'd seen Sam before on the internet while doing a cursory search on Facebook for any Stella groups or riders in the Greensboro area, but this was last year, before I had bought my scooter. I noted Sam's white Stella with a hint of envy then, as I did everyone elses, and hoped that eventually I'd meet the guy at one of the local scooter meet-ups. Well, I had no idea then, but Sam was killed in an accident while driving his scooter last year - a truck that was making a left turn didn't see him (as an aside, I've been almost hit several times by people who weren't paying attention. So please folks, look twice; there are motorcycles and scooters everywhere, and some of them go faster than 35 mph). I think it would be fitting that if we were to have a Stella club that we should honor Sam Zealy by adopting his words "a car moves the body, but a scooter moves the soul" as our motto.

After seeing the scooters and chatting with a few nice folks, I suggested that we go for a ride. So, we mounted our bikes and I set off with the weatherman into the streets of Greensboro. At one point I looked up at the sky while we were sitting at a stoplight and asked, "do you think it's going to rain?" This was totally earnest and without a hint of irony; I was genuinely curious if it was going to rain, because it ain't fun to ride a scooter in the rain. Eric looked up at the sky, "I haven't looked at the weather today." It was his week off, apparently. I had to suppress a laugh. The first time in my life I had the chance to get a forecast straight from the source and it was his week off.

It was an interesting evening, and I would encourage anyone who rides a scooter to show up at the rallies, which are held the third Wednesday of every week at the Steak 'N' Shake on Lawndale (in front of Target). And if you drive a Stella please do come and ride with us - a display of solidarity and raw scooter power is in order.

Gomez Worships Idols

A guy on a Harley pulled up next to me on my Vespa today. He had sleeve tattoos and one of those beanie helmets. He was hardcore. A man's man. He just had to prove he was better than me by peeling out and farting down the road on his annoyingly loud, overpriced piece of idiotic Americana. A stoplight caught him and I took the fork in the road off to the right, laughing maniacally. Not only do I get more than double his mpg, I drive something unique and non-mind numbing.

I've been puttering around on youtube lately, discovering a lot of Soul and Funk I'd never heard of before. Recently I was struck by Cliff Coulter. Cliff Coulter - "Do It Again." This song reminds me of Sly Stone right around the period his music was becoming more introspective and dark, circa "Fresh" (Which just happens to be one of my favorite Funk/Soul albums ever). Actually, this predates "Fresh" by a couple of years, and I wonder if it had any influence on Sly.

Achewood parodied Jack Chick tracts today. You know, those nutty miniature comic books that don't so much promote Evangelical Christianity as deride Catholics and pretty much everyone who isn't a King-James-Only primitive Baptist. Onstad refers to "Gomez Worships Idols," which got me to thinking about what Chick had to say about Orthodox Christians - because I know protestants believe Eastern Christians are idolaters. They pray to icons! Graven images! So, I went looking around for a Chick tract that addressed just that. The best I could find was one on idolatry in world religions entitled "What's Wrong With This?" Here is the full comic. There is no specific reference to Orthodoxy, but the weird, butlery-looking guy refers to "paintings which can be worshiped" next to a painting that looks like a poor rendering of the Theotokos. Elsewhere there is a painting on the wall of what appears to be either a Catholic priest or an Orthodox priest swinging a censer (knowing Chick he probably meant the former).

It's really rather poorly written, and doesn't attempt in any way to seriously address the theology behind iconography and images in the Eastern Christian understanding (like Christ being the icon, or image of the Father, thereby making all images of Him possible). A lot of it is slander, really. Chick doesn't say anything about how the Bible has become an idol for many protestants (and Chick is a KJV only Baptist, which should tell you something about where he's coming from). No, the Orthodox do not worship icons - all worship is due to the the three persons of the Trinity, and anybody who examines Orthodox liturgy, prayers, and belief will see that. What bothers me most is the part where the butlery-looking guy says "they hate that all you need is faith to do it. So they demand you do "good works" and set impossible goals to control you." The Apostle Paul does not say that all you need is faith - in fact, Paul writes that salvation is worked out in fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12). I could quote other verses that challenge Chick, but I don't need to treat the Bible like a law book. As an aside, I'm HIGHLY intrigued by Teodor's alternate Jack Chick tract: "The Kid Who Arrested Metallica!"

I started and finished a new icon this week, this one of Saint Nicholas of Myra:

Gesso on wood, acrylic, with gold leaf and a polyurethane varnish. I'm sure Jack Chick would be horrified. That brings a smile to my face.

Silly cyclists

I ride my bike about 10 miles every day, at least on weekdays. I don't have the nice equipment of the "serious" cyclist; the expensive cleats, the hideous, skin-tight pantaloons (or "bibs"), the sunglasses that are resistant to every spectrum under the sun, both visible and invisible, and most importantly the bicycle made out of something unnatural, like a warp-spawned piece of techno-sorcery. The handlebars on these bikes cost more than my bike.

I like to think I'm at least on par with many of the "serious" cyclists I see riding every morning. Yet every time I give a friendly wave to these individuals I get no response. They're so focused, you see. They probably spent over 2,000 dollars on their entire ensemble, and dammit, they won't wave at some nimrod riding an aluminum single-speed bicycle. They've got to stay focused on justifying spending all of that money on something they probably only get to do once a week. So they get focused, and huff and puff away like mad. I wonder if they actually enjoy it, because they never look as though they do. When I ride I go out with my ipod, and it's more like a 10 mile dance session than a 10 mile torture session.

Today I came up behind one of the "serious" cyclists in his matching yellow helmet, jersey, and cleats. He was grinding away, and there seemed to be no joy in it whatsoever. I kept pace with him with a great deal of ease, and just observed him. He ground his way up a hill like he was pulling a dead weight, all the while I on my light, uncomplicated single-speed easily kept pace with him, resisting the desire to blast past him. In fact, I had to slow down to avoid passing him. He looked back at me at one point, for an instant, but never gave me any real acknowledgment.

So, when you see those "serious" cyclists out and about in their nice outfits and on their expensive bicycles, and they don't give you a wave, just remember that they're dead inside. They're dead. These are people who have to put chamois butter on their butts before they go out to ride. It's like a blasted chore, really, all of that preparation and silly seriousness just to ride a bicycle a few miles. They've sacrificed the joy of cycling for "performance" and image.